Social networking. It was designed with the intention of connecting with family, friends and coworkers to further relationships, to bring us all closer as a world community to share wonderful experiences and knowledge. It was something that had such possibilities to change the world and society for the better, a convergence of ideas and thoughts that we could share across the globe. It was exciting to think of what was possible.  First there was MySpace. That fizzled out when we got Facebook. Facebook was great when we first experienced it. It was fun and new. It’s gone through many changes over the past couple of years and gone is the imagination of possibilities that once captivated us about what social networking could be.  And with that loss of possibility came the inevitable flood of what society really brings to the table when it comes to social networking… the Facebook Attention Whore.

The Facebook Attention Whore is the person who is STARVING for people to give them attention and they use Facebook specifically for that purpose. They are the ones that have the status updates that beg you to ask questions. You know what I’m talking about, status updates like, “Ugh, so frustrated at a certain person”, “I can’t believe what I’m having to deal with”, or just the simple “SIGH”. They then depend on us to follow up with questions asking what’s wrong, asking them to tell us what happened. Even then, the information in the responses is minimal meant to keep you asking them questions. Or they give you the famous, “I can’t talk about it on Facebook”. Bitch, you started this post. If you can’t talk about it, then shut the hell up!

I’m sure you have a few of these people on your friends list. Even I have a couple of them. You’re probably thinking, “Wait, Nate, you have them on YOUR friends list?” Yes, I do. Why? I’m glad you asked. See, we need to get these people to shut the hell up with this I need hugs, look at me bullshit attitude on Facebook. We can delete them but come on, you know if you do that you’ll be getting phone calls and e-mails and a whole new set of problems dealing with these people. My solution is much better. It’s fun and it gets a good laugh, well, it does for those of us that are well adjusted people that aren’t codependent on Facebook status feedback to cope with daily life, and it either gets them to delete you as a friend(Yay, no guilt and phone calls) or they stop with the updates.

What you do is go ahead and give them the reply you really want to give them. Go ahead, do it. You’ll feel better.  Not sure what I mean? Here’s an example. Recently a friend had an update that said, “UGH Parenting is the hardest job ever!” This is simple enough, but still, I see what’s coming. After about 7 people had responded consoling this parent, I responded with, “Being a cat wrangler is the toughest job ever. Cats are really fast and hard to catch, especially when they aren’t trained. Come to think of it, cats are smug too. Also, they claw your nice furniture. God, I hate cats!” Sure, not hilarious but funny to me. We took her need for attention and consoling and turned it into a forum for those of us who hate cats and feel wrangling them is really a tough job.

Another recent post from a friend was “Sick to my stomach…” Many people responded asking if this person was sick or ate something bad. The reply was “No, it’s a family issue”. Ahhh, here it is. The FAW(Facebook Attention Whore) has reared its head. I decided to run with the flu angle at that point. I’ve responded multiple times now on how bad the flu is, asking if they are going to miss work, and also offered many remedies for the flu. The FAW has emphatically stated over and over after my posts that they aren’t sick and don’t have the flu. I ignored that and then posted links for flu facts and even e coli just to make sure we covered our bases and we check all symptoms and possibilities. See, now we aren’t worried about some family issue and I’m getting a good laugh along with a few others.

By doing this, you do a couple of things. First, you give us all a good laugh and we can even sometimes join in the fun. Another possible outcome is that this FAW will delete you as a friend (which is awesome because now you don’t have to feel guilty about deleting them or getting tons of phone calls along with passive aggressive responses about you deleting them as a friend) or they finally just stop with the attention begging status updates. Either way, you get to have fun with it and get back at them for their annoying posts and you bring social networking one step closer to what it was meant to be.