Still the question lingers.. could you be my calling?…I don’t feel so well today… I think I am finally reached my final point. I’m talking about the point where faces become more like cubist comments on human nature. Where noses become so sharp they seem to cut into your soul, like a scalpel digging for the elements that constitute our spirits. When lanterns look more like roman candles, exploding across the sky… forming cryptic messages that are more captivating than the conversation you’re involved in.
After too many sleepless nights, I started to feel this fuzzy feeling… more of an environment, really, than a feeling. But it’s an environment that appeals to my synesthetic nature, making me quite sensitive to words and sights and sounds.
“I mean you are a great friend, but I don’t think me being around you will be the best thing for me right now”. The language seemed to be amplified by the surrounding voices, until it became a symphony of sorts… a triumphant Rachmaninoff ballad, and I lost myself.
My confident demeanor shattered as I walked into the bathroom, the mirrors reflecting ghastly perspectives. Me me me everywhere. And there was this harsh clarity, a biting silence. When words are removed from their symphonic background, placed in the foreground, and on replay. When superficial lucidity loses its perspective and you are left on the ground of all aspirations and find yourself clawing for a new beginning.
I walked to a veranda, void of voices and people and skin. And I wondered who I was, and felt as if I were a sleuth solving some internal mystery beneath the surface of my skin. But then, I relaxed, and concentrated on something much more on the surface, something much to my surprise – am I really such a bad person?
But instead of worrying, instead of biding my time, for a moment I just looked at the reflections of lights on the windows. The way they danced and dangled with each gust of wind. So predictable and reassuring. They bounced and beckoned, and I watch as they formed little roman candles, bursting across a black sky.
